Believe in Yourself – Pt. 1

I have always been lucky in having a strong secure personality, able to communicate with anyone and yes having an opinion!  We falsely believe that it is only shy, insecure people that lack confidence and belief in themselves but how wrong we are.

After working most of my life in a “male dominated” environment such as Oil & Gas, I had learned to be strong and stand up for myself.  How to gain respect from my peers and be trusted.  It wasn’t until I met a narcissistic partner AND a narcissistic boss did I experience how certain patterns can wear you down, especially if you don’t know what your dealing with.

If you have read my blog on Narcissism you will be amazed at how quickly this can happen and how unaware of what it is you are dealing with.  Also, working in a male dominated environment, you always were looking over your shoulder as you had to be twice as good just to survive.

The down side of having a confident secure personality was that there are always people who see you as “intimidating” “opinionated” or they are plainly just jealous of you.

On several occasions throughout my life, I have had to make decisions that are scary, like leaving work to start my own business.  Moving countries alone – twice! Travelling alone and totally changing careers.  Whilst working in recruitment, I met a lot of people who were intelligent, articulate with amazing personalities and yet when it came to changing careers or finding a new job, they left their confidence at the door.  There are many reasons for this and finding what theirs was meant I could help them to rebuild a little. How many times have we heard the cliché “it’s not your problem, its theirs”?  We know this, yet we gravitate to listening to the negative, narcissistic stuff.

Optimism is the best way to see life

It wasn’t until I was exposed to Narcissism and began to research it did I realise how many people are broken by it.  Often where they can’t work or even go out!   Well, there is another cliché that I prefer, and that’s “don’t get mad, get even”, and the best way to do that is to get back on your feet, be successful, switch your light back on and show that you are worthy.

It starts small but it can quickly grow legs:-

Find a buddy, a good friend, a work colleague or neighbour and set out a “build me up plan”.

Go for a new haircut together

Get a new outfit from one of those “seconds” shops that sell nearly new, I love doing that.

Debate ”if I could, I would” and then discuss “why not”.

Have a meeting with a career counsellor – have several!  (we can help with that)

Get a new resume done  (we can help with that).

Practise and interview with each other.

Design your own small business and how can you get started? (we can help with that).

Make a list of all the great things people have said about you.

Why is believing in yourself so scary?  Fear of failure?  Listened to too many negative know-it-all’s?  Had a crappy partner?

I had one of those “Oh s**t moments” last year when I realised that I am about to retire and what will I do then?  I had all these ideas in my head but hadn’t connected the dots.  Then I received an email about an online training course in on-line marketing.  I had a “eureka” moment”!  This was it, build an online business that I can do from home and just expand on it over time.  I wanted to earn a living but also help others. But I couldn’t build a web site or understand the terminology of the digital world or the enormous capability it had.  For $29.99 I started the course.  It was amazing for me, I was learning something new AND building my independence.  After three months I decided to leave my job and build my website and get started!!  SCARY!

Was it scary? – Hell yer!  Is it still scary? – Hell yer!  But I don’t have to catch a train at 6am in the dark and cold and arrive home at 7pm……….Sitting at a city desk building someone else’s business.  Asking permission for a couple of hours to go to the doctors.  Forty nine years of working hard, giving 150%, I was so over it.  But could I make that step??  So with the help of clever friends, I am building a website (will reveal when its ready).  Finally, I’ve started but it took a scary reality to make me do it.  Now I want to help others make that step, whatever it may look like. People can be amazing if they are given just a little support to get them going…..

Next week…….The How

2 replies on “Believe in Yourself – Pt. 1”

Thanks for the wonderful article Kathy. I have learnt that if a woman stands-by her convictions and challenges work-relationship problems honestly and head-on, she is viewed in the workplace as opinionated and negative, yet a man doing the same things is viewed positively. And if you don’t tackle those work problems, you are viewed as lacking leadership and inner strength. I have had a difficult past year in the workplace, and at times I have seriously wondered what is wrong with me. Sometimes, it is difficult keeping your belief in yourself…

Hi Susan
Working for more than 35 years in the Oil & Gas business, I certainly know what you are talking about. It isn’t an easy balance at all. I also found that each environment has it’s cultural challenges too. This is what I took 45 years to learn. Find a mentor or ambassador within the team. You only need one. Give the credit to those that need it (usually the angry ones), everyone will know it’s you that did the work. Do not get sucked it or play the game, play a better one, smile a lot, agree and walk away. Stay inside your own bubble. It sounds easy but it isn’t. I know you have turned a corner because you have left and are now taking time to assess what it is you need and who you want to work for. That tells me you are starting to value and believe in yourself. This is meant to be as after listening to your story, I think you are meant for better things, it just takes a little bit of peace to see that light. I see it, so take that big step and back yourself. I will help you all I can.

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